As a child, my mother always warned me about geese. More precisely, against their ferocious beak which makes you feel good when it pinches your fingers. So I never particularly carried this animal in my heart. Until this video that changed everything:
How not to resist in the face of so much digital cuteness? On this TikTok, posted at the beginning of May, the goose is presented as a small screen companion, 10,000 times more attractive than the old Clippy. She walks around on the computer, squeals – or, more precisely, she honks –, arbitrarily attacks your cursor and hides several memes and notes under her wing.
The concept immediately seduced me: it was an opportunity to make peace with this beast and to brighten up my virtual office. I was not the only one to think so, since the video had already represented nearly 10 million views. So the first step was to download this seemingly – I repeat, a priori – harmless tool. Go to itch.io, on the Desktop Goose page. The beginning of an infernal spiral.
“Too cute, it looks like a Tamagotchi”
Once the little goose arrives on my Mac, I double-click on its icon to make it appear. She pops up in a corner of the screen and first takes a few steps to get her bearings. Once a little more comfortable, she runs in all directions on her little legs. The sound is on by default, I hear his little footsteps in my headphones. UN ” Honk ! » surprises me. She speaks. My level of concentration is then around 2%.
At the office, my colleagues are quickly intrigued by this little animal that roams my screen. “It’s too cute, her little cries”marvels Henry. “Looks like a Tamagotchi.” Pierre, he remains skeptical. “It takes the mass of RAM, this stuff”he lets go before returning to watch a
streamer player-host live on Twitch.
Then, my little goose suddenly pulls a small window from one edge of my screen. A gif of a goose waddling with pigeons. I was moved by this gentle attention. She reiterates a few seconds later with a note “I am a goose oink”. Delighted, I tell myself that this tool is definitely the best way to reconcile me with the geese. I let her fetch more treasures, content to slide the windows aside to continue working.
How can you manage to work in such conditions? The case is complex. I end up finding the settings, and lower the volume of the animal to the minimum.
At least no hearing disturbances. I even manage to pimp it in the colors of Konbini techno: red, yellow, blue, with traces of paws in fluorescent green. RAS.
A first quack
We cheerfully go on a lunch break. Once back, I hasten to reopen my computer, impatient to find my company for the day. Vision of horror:
Yes, she had been very bored during my absence. So much so that it covered my entire screen with notes, memes and gifs of all kinds. And not the most reassuring: “I am an agent of chaos”, “Peace was never an option.” Well, I tell myself that it will take a long time to close but that, in a minute, I will find my computer without problem. Naive that I was.
Because the moment I click on the little round, red button to close a window, the impossible happens. Neither one nor two, the goose rushes at my cursor, and… takes it to the other end of the screen. I shake my mouse, but nothing helps. I watch helplessly as the goose runs at top speed with its loot in its beak. She then decides to give him back his freedom, and I regain control of my mouse.
So I spend the following – long – minutes chaining furtive closings of the windows and dodging the rushes of the beast. I opt for the diagonal method, very effective, walking the goose from one corner of the screen to the other until exhaustion. But she immediately picks up
hair from the feather of the beast, and quickly covers my desk again with memes of all kinds. My patience is taking a hit – and my goose trauma is slowly coming to the surface.
The monster is getting out of hand
And I’m not the only one to be cold. In the meantime, other colleagues have also installed Desktop Goose on their computers, initially delighted. This state of mind lasted a few minutes, then I received this message – a bit wild – on Slack:
In the panic, my dear comrade even comes to confuse the goose with a common duck. I then realize the extent of the damage: the phenomenon is beyond me and the goose sows chaos wherever it is. I then explain to him how to access the settings – double-click a second time on the icon – to deactivate the monster by clicking on “Quit Desktop Goose”. The beast is under control.
I comply reluctantly. This new friend, with such an innocent appearance, with such cute features, had everything to patch me up with the geese. But his warlike instinct returned in the blink of an eye and it had to be annihilated.
If you feel like pushing the limits of your patience, you can always download Desktop Goose here. The program is available on Mac, Windows, but not Linux – yet. This evil invention was developed by a certain Sam Chiet. The software is free, but you can always decide to support it by donating the amount of your choice at the time of downloading. The same and the notes are customizable, just go to the folder “Resources” and add – or remove – the content you want in the corresponding sub-folders.
Have you measured yourself against this little goose? Tell us everything at: [email protected]